Consciousness

• Consciousness is the realization of something. It is amazing how many things I can be aware of. Sometimes I doubt whether consciousness is not the same as thoughts: "I think I feel this, I think I realize that". But most of the time I understand that being conscious of something is really different from a thought.
• So what is conciousness? I do not know. Appearantly it is important when following the Path. When I am aware, I am still pretty much detached and not yet caught by the force of a thought or emotion.
• Thoughts and emotions can be very forceful in telling me what to do. When I am just aware, I still can resist whatever the thought or emotion is telling me to do. Even stronger, when being only aware (conscious) of something, I am still free and not forced to do what the thought is telling me. The problem arises when I am not aware. I think I AM the thought and therefor I make the choice or the behavior that the tought was telling me to do.
• Being aware is more difficult when I am tired or frustrated or emotional. Mostly when I am dreaming, it is one big stream of thoughts that hardly make any sense and I hop from one to the other without realizing this is not me but this is just a thought. I require energy for consciousness. I need to be rested, not exhausted. I need to be without any fear nor emotional. I need to accept myself, believing that I deserve my place and space, believing I am worth a while.